Civil War is in the Air!

Hi, I’m just calling to tell you that the majority of Americans are not as stupid as you think we are. Our country is bankrupt and broken, and you are all lackeys to a socialist president who wasn’t even democratically elected. The cap and trade bill, and the universal health care bill are just going to push this country over the edge into a civil war. People are angry, and they are going to take up arms against the government. Now, I’m not a republican, because I think they are just as bad as you democrats, I’m a conservative. You might be too young to remember this, but when I was young, I worked 15 hours a day, and now I can’t even count on getting my social security. China owns this country, and they wanted to cash in the bonds they hold in our treasury, the dollar would be rendered worthless. Now, you tell your boss that something has to be done. I know she won’t do anything about it since she’s one of them, but I’m just calling to warn you. And I’m not afraid to give you my name and number, my name is I Have Guns In My Basement. And I’m sure your boss won’t call me back.

Dear I Have Guns In My Basement,

Thank you so much for your call of warning. I do not want to see a civil war erupt in this country. That would just be too much to bear. I just had no idea that providing a free trade system of controlling emissions and making sure that everyone has access to health care (which could actually draw down the cost of health care to all since we don’t have to cover the hospital bills of the uninsured) would cause so much anger that the country would collapse into oblivion. I can just picture it now, it looks like the movie 300 without all the cool CGI. God knows that the first civil war made Lincoln a hero, and we most definitely wouldn’t want that socialist dictator who wasn’t even elected basking in Lincolnesque glory. As you say, he wasn’t even elected. He just spawned himself right out of the carpet in the Oval Office and took up residence. Though, if I had to take sides, I don’t know if I could choose. The guys with guns in their basements, or the side with tanks. Hmm…..

Now, I know that you say that the American people are not as stupid as we think you are, and by that, I’m assuming you meant that you are not as stupid as we think you are, I just want to point out that the cap and trade bill and universal health care are not our bills and you didn’t called the wrong government office. I hate to tell you this since I’m sure that you really do have guns in your basement, and for that reason, I don’t want to anger you, but I thought you should know. I’m sure my boss will still take your concern to heart and not be able to do anything about it.

I do have to admit that I do not remember back in the day when you worked 15 hours a day. I’m sorry. Please send pictures and memories so I can partake in these glory days. Working so much must have earned you a lot of social security. I am curious though, for someone who complains about the socialistic tendencies of the government, and is angry about the system going bankrupt, you sure are eager to get that social security. I guess part of being a conservative (but not a republican) is about having cake and eating it too. Now I want to join your movement. I love having cake and eating it too.

I looked into how China owns America (thank you google!), and the first link says that it is also trying to kill our children (it’s true – google China owns America)! My next google search was on how to build a bunker. I will immediately stuff my children into it and not let them out until they are 18 when it’s certain that they won’t be China’s target. I just hope that China never does cash in and abandon us. Because if they do, they just lost their main buyer and they will go bankrupt too. Or, maybe that is a good thing since misery loves company. So, win-win, or lose-lose, we have a buddy til the end.

So, I Have Guns In My Basement, I’m so glad that you called and were not afraid to give your name. I have taken your warning to heart. Now, I will pass along the message, but I don’t think that my boss will be calling you back. Not because she doesn’t want to, but because you called the wrong office. You are actually in a different district.

Sincerely,

Staffer Bunker Builder Extraordinaire